youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
