Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
