Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
