So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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