The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
