she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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