mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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