We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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