I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you had me at cake vodka
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
