He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
