Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
