last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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