why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
