I CAN MOONWALK!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
