Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
