remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
