Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
