i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he laminated a picture of his dick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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