Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
