There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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