4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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