Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
