if only i could text you this smell
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
