Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
