At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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