I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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