I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
