While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
