No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
