Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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