The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
