"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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