happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
