Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
