she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
