I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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