Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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