My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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