I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
