Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
im on a boat
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