so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
