i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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