Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
