I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
