It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
