Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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