Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
