I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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