I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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