i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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