dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
