Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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