3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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