I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
