this beer tastes like vomit already
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
