My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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