it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
